Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.
C.S. Lewis
Dementors Are Very Real
One idea that stuck with me from the Harry Potter series is that of the dementors. What a particularly creative way to describe depression: it emerges out of nowhere, it sucks the joy out of you, and your surroundings take on a gloomier tone. You are overwhelmed with an eerie feeling that you will never be joyful again.
However.
There’s a spell, the Patronus charm. You cast quite the advanced and challenging spell by conjuring up happy memories. Newbies casting this charm manage only whisps of light that push the dementor back, but with practice they will eventually produce fully-fledged creatures of light that banish the dementors.
On days like today, all I can manage is the aforementioned whisp of light. For a split second, I can recall what joy felt like; still, just like a flimsy whisp it dissolves into thin air and poof, back into the pit of sorrow. Did J.K. Rowling ever figure out how to produce a full Patronus in real life? Recalling very happy memories only results in me doubling down on myself for being so entitled to feel misery. If you’ve seen war and sickness, you’ve seen “real” misery. So how can I allow myself in health and peace to such despair.
Expecto Patronum ironically means “I wait for a protector”. Wisemen throughout history have tirelessly reiterated the life lesson that no one other than oneself will bring us happiness. It’s one of those infuriating clichés that provokes the need to punch someone. The very reason it infuriates is that it is too simple and too true. The only protector worth waiting for is residing inside us. That’s the genius of the Patronus charm, it must come from within.
On days like today though, it remains out of reach.
becomingkay 