I still remember what it was like to be a child, to have the gift of doing something just for your own pleasure. This gift has all but disappeared. Only a memory of it remains.

Everything attempted nowadays is tainted with hypothetical judgement. Climb the ladder, achieve, prove yourself. Lean in. Where is your ambition? How will this be received? Is it good enough? Are you good enough? It is all plain exhausting and frankly it ruined everything it touched.

I crave that freedom of childhood, of making things because something came alive in my head and I wanted to see it in my hands. I miss that pure pleasure of creating. Pleasure untainted by judgements and expectations.

There is this constant need to prove myself, to rise above others, to show that I am ambitious and smart and deserving. I fucking hate it. If I could operate it out of myself, I would.